dinkin flicka, man...dinkin flicka.

i got the internship and i am going to L.A. in a week.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

they are coming together nicely. =)

had an interview with LiNK today and it went really well. i'll have a second one in the next couple of days and know by the weekend whether i got it. i feel like i have a good chance, and i'm excited. it'd be a perfect fit and i hope hope HOPE i get it.
if not, i'll be fine. but it would be an awesome opportunity.

i really like this guy, and he really likes me, and we both know it but it hasn't actually been said yet.
so cute.
i really just want to say it though, haha. i'm getting so impatient.

i miss dana and jeanette a lot. i want them to come live with me.

Hello Kelley,

 

We would like to thank you again for applying for Invisible Children’s Roadie internship. Your willingness to sacrifice your time and resources for the people of northern Uganda is both humbling and encouraging.

 

Though we are sorry that IC’s internship did not work out this season, we would like to let you know about a similar opportunity with our friends at the incredible organization, LINK – Liberty in North Korea.

 

Currently, North Koreans are facing intense and atrocious violations of their human rights at the hands of their government.  On September15^th, LINK is launching its most aggressive campaign yet! Here is a short piece of media that LINK created to better explain the urgency of North Korea’s current situation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwwyzpEnK0M&feature=channel

 

As mentioned above, on September15^th, LINK is launching a national tour of the award-winning, incredible documentary: Seoul Train. LINK will be sending four teams around the country to present the documentary and provide tangible outlets for people to get involved! If have never seen or heard of Seoul Train, check out the trailer below:

http://linkglobal.org/take-action/tours/tour_about.html

 

This brings us to the reason for our email. LINK needs you. North Korea is in the midst of one of the world's most critical and unnoticed humanitarian crises today. Just as IC needed your help to provide a voice for northern Uganda, LINK needs you to spend your time, talent, and creativity on behalf of the people of North Korea. We are seeking out our strongest previous applicants whose contact information we could share with our friends at LINK for this unique opportunity.

 

Training for this internship begins on August 15^th. The tour will end on November 15^th. LINK will provide a food stipend for all accepted interns, as well as, housing accommodations while in the training phase. If you are interested in this fantastic opportunity, please let us know and we will send your information to LINK’s HR Manager, Kira Wheeler. She will then follow up with more details and specifics.

 

Thank you again for your incredible heart, Kelley. Looking forward to hearing from you very soon!

 

Take care,

Tiffany Keesey

--
The IC HR Department
www.invisiblechildren.com

Invisible Children, Inc.
1620 Fifth Ave, Suite 400
San Diego, CA 92101


whaaaat?!
gahhh!

my life is so crazy.
my life...is so crazy.
MY LIFE IS SO CRAZY.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
please Lord, help me make sense of this mess.
-------------voilà, ma petite amélie, vous n'avez pas des os en verre. vous pouvez vous cogner à la vie. si vous laissez passer cette chance, alors avec le temps, c'est votre cœur qui va devenir aussi sec et cassant que mon squelette. alors, allez y, nom d'un chien!

 i didn't realize house sitting would actually involve so much sitting.
i am exponentially bored.
having so much time to wrestle with my own thoughts isn't real fun, either.
the only things that have kept me sane/not creeped out in an old, unfamiliar house these last few days are my hours long conversations with the dude every evening and a couple of good books.
but now he's leaving for idaho for a few days ( but we have a sushi date for when he returns =D ) and the books i bought yesterday almost finished. already.
i guess it's a good thing i have internet here, but in a way it kind of bites because i find myself wasting so much time on it that i kind of want to die.
having gone without internet for the past two weeks was actually really refreshing. it's been really nice to talk to some people while here, but that's about it.
i'm actually looking forward to going back home and not having access to this.
and people can call me if they really want to talk.

i'm really confused right now about where i'm going to live.
i told mitch the other day that it was a definite no go on living with him and the guys...
but then jeanette told me that stacie is moving out, and that she and dana want me to move back in and take her place.
it sounds like the perfect set up, but i have problems making decisions.
lynchburg livng is fun and exciting and adventurous, and the midwest has proven to be significantly less exciting, but part of me tells me i should just wait it out because things are going to get awesome.
and then i think back on the 18 years i spent in minnesota, and how none of it was as awesome as lynchburg.
i do enjoy my friends here, it's just that...i'm 2 and a half hours away from them anyway, so i won't get to see them hardly at all.
no one's willing to drive out here, and when i drive out there; people aren't available anyway.
and then there's this thing with this guy, which is progressing and he's great and i do like him...
and i don't want to bail out on that whole thing too early because it could be something really wonderful.
not to mention the financial security i have while living at home, and all the money i'll be able to save up if i do end up interning for IC in the spring...and for my trip to europe.
if i moved back to lynchburg and had to start paying for rent, utilities, food, and car insurance all over again...i wouldn't have any extra money to do much else.
i also can't forget that lynchburg really really sucked sometimes, and it wasn't all mountain hikes and awesome parties and good conversation and good coffee at the white hart.
but, mostly, it was great. especially towards the end. i can't remember ever feeling so simultaneously happy and sad as on the night i left...
because i was with some of the best people i've ever known and having the time of my life.
i just don't know what to do.
i need prayer for clarity, and for my eyes to be opened to any of the doors God may be opening for me.
i just feel so at a loss right now.
i certainly don't want to be in rice lake, wisconsin....but it's the most responsible thing for me to do.
but not everyone is called to just be responsible, and responsibility has never really stopped me in the past and i turned out okay.
for now, i will just wait, i suppose. it's all i can do.
i'll get a shitty job that doesn't mean much and make some money until i figure out what the hell i'm doing and where i'm going.
and hey, i'm here for a reason. i don't know what that is, but this is where i landed. every place i've been at has given me something and helped me grow. so, i have to believe that it will happen here, too.
things have a way of working themselves out. it'll happen and i won't have to doubt.

i still haven't seen the new harry potter movie. unacceptable.

you are helping me not miss lynchburg so much.
=)

i am so very excited about this.

crush is mutual.
we shall see where this goes.
it feels good to be...back in the game?
no, i don't like how that sounds.
but i like being liked.
i want to do it right this time, though, if this does end up turning into anything. this could be something; this could be nothing.
but he is a lovely, intriguing, beautiful person. and on top of it all, he makes me laugh. very very hard.
=)

i am probably not going to be able to move back to lynchburg for a couple months and that's alright. i need to make some money first, is all.
i really need to just not push it. i COULD do it right now, but it would be very hard and would be under more stress than i needed to be. lynchburg will still be there in a few months and i just need to be patient.

some guy is paying me to type his life story for him. he's hand-written five volumes, all about 150 pages.
i think it's going to be really cool. i'll get money and i'll get to hear some really great stories, i bet.

i forgot to write about some things in here.
did i mention that i went to chicago and hung out with blake?
the blake that i dated when i first got to lynchburg? the blake who then broke my heart?
yeah, that one.
we hung out, alone, a couple of weekends ago in chicago. he called me, told me to go there, and so i did.
it was really really REALLY good.
we haven't hung out one on one since we broke things off. that was in february.
we had a lot of fun and had a lot of really good conversations, and i think it reminded us both why we started hanging out in the first place.
i don't like him again or anything, and he doesn't like me again (at least, i hope not...) but it was good. and i believe we can have a normal friendship again. i guess after he got back to lynchburg, he was telling jeanette and dana how much fun he had with me and how chill i was and all that. i'm glad i don't have to feel awkward about him anymore; he's a really great guy and knowing i can really have him as a friend again is wonderful.
reconciliation. try it out.

i guess that's it. i am hanging out with my brother at my aunt's house, watching him play some silly video game.
there's beer in the fridge. i'm going to drink one.

flashing my titties.

hanging out with tyler's girlfriend.
brother's friend having a mega crush on me.
living in wisconsin.

all awkward.
the second one might be kind of cool though...i'm not sure yet.

and the first one wasn't so much awkward as...just really...i don't know. i just didn't like it.
honestly, it hurt a little bit. i think me and tyler's history goes to deep to just be cool with hanging out with him and his girlfriend.
she's a really nice girl and everything, but it was really uncomfortable for me.

wisconsin sucks. i've been doing everything in my power to not actually be here very much.

i haven't seen the new harry potter yet, and that bugs me.

i hate this town.
i'm stealing internet from some faux-french coffee shop.
i should be looking for jobs but i'm scared to death of making any sort of commitment to this place.
i want to go back to lynchburg.
but it's all so complicated, see...
well, i don't want to get into that now. but it's messy, trust me.

i think i made rice and beans in my sleep last night.

HECK YES.
I WIN.
JUSTICE.

woop!

i didn't get the position with invisible children.
it's my last night in lynchburg.
i hate all of this.

i miss being in love.
so much.

"Out of the hundreds that have applied, you are in the final group of 45 applicants, of whom we are considering for our last 22 spots. We are committed to doing everything we can to let you know as soon as possible, and to bring in the right group for the Fall Tour."

ackkkk. i just want to know!
pray for me, guys...or at least keep your fingers crossed.

i like to show them downtown, starting at 5th street at the record store, then walking to the terrace and making our way down to the river by amazement square and percival's island and all that junk.
downtown lynchburg is the only thing in lynchburg worth seeing, really.
that and old city cemetery.
and jerry falwell's eternal flame, which we can light our cigarettes off of.

attention: lynchburg,
something is wrong when we're more willing to share cigarettes, weed, and beer than we are our food and homes.

i don't know how much longer i can do this.

"calcuttas are everywhere, if we only have eyes to see. find your calcutta."
-mother theresa

"at that moment, we decided to stop complaining about the church we saw, and we set our hearts on becoming the church we dreamed of."
-shane claiborne

"i'm not too concerned with what i'm going to do. i am more interested who i am becoming. i want to be a lover of God and people."
-shane claiborne

i'm so happy right now.
who knew a party at the 8th street house would be exactly what i needed?
i love lynchburg again.

i met a really cute curly blonde haired boy. maybe i'm getting ahead of myself, but i think we're going to fall in love. and i think that i will find a job.
and i will be able to stay here, in this community that i love so dearly.
this broken, imperfect, struggling community.

things will work. they have to.

life is weird. my brain is exploding right now thinking about how much has changed in the last year.
this time last year, i was packing up to live in california for the summer.
if i had only known what would come with that...
but i'm glad i didn't know, because if i had known, i wouldn't have gone and i wouldn't have grown in the ways that i have, or made some of the friends that i did.
sure, i'm not close to a single person i met at camp anymore and it's not likely i'll ever seen any of them again, but i'm still glad they were in my life for that brief period of time. at that moment, they were the people i needed.

it's hard for me to believe it's been 6 months since david and i broke up. six months ago, he was my life. he was my present and my future and my whole identity was wrapped up in where i stood with him and i'm so glad it's not that way anymore.
i miss being in love; i really do. and sometimes, i still get really sad when i think about how things happened with me and david. it makes me sad that he's already found someone else and already feels for them what he felt for me. it makes me feel like i never even knew him; it makes it so apparent that the things he felt for me weren't real, and it's likely that the things he feels for this new girl aren't real either. but i don't want to judge and i honestly hope it works out for him.
i miss feeling like i knew who i was going to spend the rest of my life with, but i can't use that as a crutch anymore. i wanted so badly to find security in somebody else because i was too scared to find it in myself. i legitimately believed that i was capable of nothing more than being a wife and mother (not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's just not where i was meant to end up any time soon). i was searching so desperately for some form of consistency because i had dealt with so much of the opposite. i wanted someone to be there who would always be there, and i thought i had found him.
lately i've been feeling like i might never fall in love again, and lately i've been feeling like i can be okay with that. i need to discover myself for who i am as a completely independent person, and i'm doing it...and i'm realizing that me and myself go together a lot better than i thought.
i love being single, and i never thought i'd say that. probably not forever, but for now...i'm just so ridiculously content with it that it's almost funny. the idea of being tied down to someone is actually kind of repulsive to me right now.
if the exact right guy comes along and does things exactly how he should, then maybe, but i'm so done actively seeking it out. i don't even have the desire and it feels wonderful.

and holy shit, i live in virginia now? it's still crazy to me and it's been almost 5 months. my best friends/second family are people that i didn't know existed 5 months ago.

my best friend who i thought would be my best friend until the day i died doesn't talk to me anymore. not because of any sort of falling out...
we just inexplicably drifted. this is really the only change about the last year that i just legitmately hate with everything i have. i would love to have tyler back as my best friend, more than anything.

i've finally got my foot in the door of an organization that i've been dying to be a part of since i was 15. i travelled with one of the founders for a week!

i'm planning a cross-continent trip to europe next summer, something i've always wanted to do. and it's actually going to happen.

all in all, this past year has been really hard but...so many good things are about to happen. i can feel it. and so many good things have happened.

everything in it's right place. always.

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jeanette and i hiked to sharp top today in the rain.

i got an interview with invisible children.

=)